Life story from a pampered Girl to Mature Woman
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A fairytale wedding, a loving husband, all happy faces. What more I can ask more from GOD. I got married at the age of 26(as per my parents I was late for my marriage). It was an inter-cast love marriage but both our families were happy. First month of marriage was pretty good. I was on cloud 9. Everything was moving like I always dreamt of. I always live in nuclear family and being youngest in my family, I was quite pampered. Suddenly after marriage I was into joint family, 10 members in family. Slowly I felt some difficulty in adjusting as my Husband was not cooperative but still I was happy, I just wanted some cooperation from my partner and some attention from him as we were newly married. Suddenly situation became worst due to adjustment between me and my husband, me and my in-laws. My husband wanted a perfect Bahu and somehow I was also mentally getting ready but I just wanted my husband's love care and attention. I always wanted to have good quality time with my husband like any other girl. I was completely into my Husband's life. My family was my priority but my husband was my first priority but my life was moving into different path. I left my job after marriage as It was too much mental pressure from family and office. During all those fights I had to loose my job. I can not say it was all my husband's fault, it was mutual. After all fights all differences I chose my husband but my husband chose SEPARATION. He filed separation without telling. We both were living together but after 5months of marriage on my 1st Birthday after marriage my husband filed for separation and same day my husband left me alone at our rented apartment. It was first jhatka for me I never imagined my husband can do this to me as I always believed my husband is an innocent and descent guy. I came to my Parents' house. My whole family was discussing about our issues but I was just waiting for 1 phone call from my husband to wish me on my B'day. I won't say I am good but I can never do same thing to him in my whole life. Somehow my family convinced him to come back to me. Finally again we started living together after 15 days but nothing was similar. He used to record my voice, used to record our fights, record our calls, saving our messages. He was not behaving the way normally husband behave. One night I was shocked, I was out of my senses when I saw separation papers in his bag. My messages were proof. I was always a introvert person, never wanted to share my personal life with anyone. I shred my personal life with my husband only and he shared with everyone. Our personal messages became public. All happy days, our love days were moving as slideshow in my mind. I used to be a girl of my own terms but suddenly I was just my Husband's wife but my husband was not mine. He is always a good son, great brother but what about Husband. My husband left me again after 3months. Suddenly my life took a U-turn from Parents' house to new family and to my parents' house. All my family members with me but still I was feeling alone as my world my husband was not with me. I was not able to digest that my husband did all these legal things against me. Within 9 months of marriage from newly married I became separated. Now only legal matters are our topics. I got summon from court that my husband filed separation and few cases I filed against him. I shattered, I was completely into depression. I never wished for money or luxurious life, I just wanted a loving caring husband. I was never a good cook but I really tried hard to cook for my husband. I just asked him sometime to adjust. Was it my in-laws responsibility to make me comfortable or my husband's responsibility, I might be wrong at many places as I was new to their family but my intention was never to do anything wrong against them. It takes a lot pain to leave your house but immense pain to come back to your house as separated girl. I tried accepting and adjusting to everything but everybody take time to adjust in new family. I was married to their son but nobody took pains to make me feel comfortable to adjust to new environment and surroundings. From getting up early, wearing the suit to bindi, helping in kitchen, nothing pleased to the family. They used to say you are like my daughter then why they left their daughter, "Bacche jitni bhi galti kare baccho ko kabhi nahi choda jata" I believe. Life became tough for me as I used to hide myself from society. Suddenly I stopped talking to everyone including my family, I was interested talking to only 1 person and that is my husband. I was still thinking my husband will realize that it was his mistake and he will come back to me. I was never into favor of those girls who take benefits of feminism. Rules should be equal for men and women. When any girl can balance between husband and her own family then Why can't men balance between wife and your family. During my 1st date of hearing at court and 1st date at women cell I given my final year exam of MBA. I cleared my MBA and got MBA degree. Journey from Married to separated is always a mental torture. I separated at the age when most of my friends were not even engaged. I had earned the stigma of being a divorcee, a term that I find extremely regressive and judgmental. I knew now my life would not be easy. I felt betrayed for all the goodness that I ever had in me.I tried many times to convince my husband, my in-laws. I apologized, my family apologized without any fault, still they were rigid at their decision. I grown up in a family where relationship is always important. I am a person who can't let go any of my relationship so how can I let go most important relationship of my life. I thought might be I am not able to see their point of view or I am not able to see my fault. I was open to listen and understand my faults but they just wanted divorce. I still wonder why my husband got married to me and why he filed for separation???Somehow after being in depression and n number of try I joined back my last companyI am 5 feet 9 inches. I was 52 kgs when I got married but now I was just 45kgs. My face was dull and full of dark circles, pimples. I used to hate to see myself in mirror. I hardly came out in initial 1 year. Somehow I managed to become stronger, definitely my family was my strength.
Sometimes families find it shameful to update the society on the newly acquired marital status of their children/siblings. It had been painful for me to meet relatives at social gatherings. They ended up asking,
Where is your husband? Why don't you put sindoor? I was already going through my own mental pain and society love to add mirch masala. I had to put on a brave face and told myself that I could not stop meeting the numerous people who loved me because of one worthless person from my past. Talking to some people always triggers negativity and hopelessness. It's really shameful to say women only gossip around for woman.
Some days and some people did pinch but I moved on. I had discovered that unless I stopped pitying myself, the society would not. Once I started accepting and respecting me and my choices, the universe accepted and cooperated as well. I don’t encourage divorce. We should save our relationship till the time it can because of our decision we are going to ruin someone's else life too. You never know what other person will have to go through because of your decision. Think 1000 times before getting married as in 1 decision not only there are many other people are involved. God given you chance to choose your life partner only so choose wisely and once you chose then stick to your decision. We don't change our parents our siblings then because of few faults(which can be change) why you want to change your life partner. Think about it.I still wonder what my future holds but I am independent, living for myself, having a good job and eventually will have a good guy. I don’t live with that hope but I know that is the truth because the fault was not in me but I unfortunately, became part of. Now I am a HR Manager working with MNC in Gurgaon. Pursuing Phd and want to become professor. I have dreams, I want to do something good for society. After so much pain and struggle I have become a strong independent mature woman. After one heart break marriage, I still feel marriage is a beautiful thing, a beautiful bond between a boy and a girl. I just have 1 request to all men. When you married a girl, respect her love her care for her as he left everything for you only. All men think we are not others, we gave every comfort to my wife but problem is with my wife only. Somehow my husband also thought so but it was not true so try to come out from your son zone and think as a husband. 1 request to all women, feminism is our quality do not make it a Hathiyaar against men.
We MEN and WOMEN are equal. We both have equal emotions. Respect each other.
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