My two sistersby Baldassare Taormina
The day would start at 7 am. My sister maria would rise and put coffe on and then she would begin the routine that would take up the next eleven years of her life. She would go to my mother and make …more
Choosing to Laugh
My family all thought I’d finally gone off the deep end.
To be fair, they had some reason for concern: I was about to marry a man with MS. Not someone who would get sick after many great years together, but someone who was already struggling with a major health issue.
“Don’t you know what you’re getting into?” they chided.
“There’s so much hard work and heartache ahead,” still others added.
“He’s just looking for someone to take care of him,” another well-meaning family member said.
Yet I knew that for all the ways it didn’t make sense to marry Dan, it made sense in the one place that mattered most—my heart. And so I married the man God had delivered to me in a bright yellow wheelchair, and wrapped up that holiday season in a most memorable way.
To say that I knew what I was getting into would be a bit of an overstatement. Sure, I had some idea of what the road ahead would be like, but mostly I had a lot of trust and confidence in God’s ability to see us through anything we might face. I look back now and chuckle at how naïve I was in many ways, but the simple truth is that not having all the answers helped me more easily trust the One who did. I was just a gal in love with great guy, a guy with a heart of gold who made me laugh like no one had ever done. And I was crazy in love with him.
I have to admit that being married to someone with a disability could have made me sit around and cry all the time. The reality of what Dan had to live with every day was disheartening. Still, it didn’t take me long to figure out that he would play off my attitude, and I chose to look for moments to laugh together, starting with our very first morning together.
We were snuggled up in each other’s arms, the warm afterglow of wedding bliss still lingering in our hearts and minds. It had been a whirlwind week as we’d scrambled to get our marriage license and find a preacher for our New Year’s Eve wedding. As we gazed into each other’s eyes, Dan reached up to stroke my cheek for what I’m sure he thought would be a tender moment between us. But because of the MS, Dan’s hand spasmed as he reached out to me, and what I got instead of a loving touch was a smack from the back of his hand! But what could have been an awkward moment turned to the giggles as we realized what had happened and the absurdity of it all. Welcome to romance, MS style!
Dan never failed to give me things to laugh about. One time in particular was when he decided to do some yard work. We had just moved into our new home, a great house in our price range that would accommodate his needs. About the only problem was that the weeds coming up in our yard really set off my asthma. So, Dan decided one morning that he’d try to take care of the problem for me. Besides, he reasoned, it had rained the night before and pulling weeds would be easy. Or so he thought.
I woke up that morning to find Dan’s side of the bed empty. The house was quiet, a rarity for my TV-addicted spouse, and I couldn’t imagine where he could be. As I wandered into our living room, I was startled to see my new husband through the large picture window. There was Dan out in the yard, dragging his shower chair behind him. I couldn’t imagine what he was up to since I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to be showering outside. It didn’t take me long to realize that he was planning to tackle the weeds. Since Dan only had a manual wheelchair, getting across the yard took quite a bit of effort, between wheeling himself a little ways and then turning to drag the shower chair. I wanted to rush out and help, but he hated to be babied and preferred to do as much as he could by himself, even if it took longer. So I just watched from the window to see how he was going to pull this off. I don’t have to tell you what kind of knot was forming in my throat at his very tender and thoughtful gesture.
Once Dan got to where he wanted to start working, he transferred himself over to his shower chair. I guess he thought it would give him better stability while working and it would also be lower to the ground so he could reach the weeds more easily. All in all, it wasn’t a bad plan. But Dan hadn’t factored in just how wet the ground really was from the rain, or what can happen when mud and a man’s full weight on a poor little shower chair came together.
I was all caught up in watching my Knight in Shining Armor as he went about his work when I noticed that the chair was sinking into the mud. Down, down, down it went until it suddenly catapulted backwards, throwing Dan onto the grimy, wet ground. Up, up, up went his legs and arms, standing rigid to the sky because, well, his arms and legs often became rigid for no good reason because of the MS. His brain was yelling, “Bend,” but his body was saying, “I don’t think so!” A cow that’s been tipped had nothing on Dan!
I ran out to him, trying to contain my laughter until I was sure he was okay. I was trying very hard to be the dutiful good Christian wife, but I must admit that it was difficult in that moment. When husband’s get tipped over like that, it’s just plain funny whether they’re disabled, or not.
I bent down beside him and saw the sparkle in his eye. Much to my relief, he was okay.
“I’m on my back like a bug, aren’t I?” Dan said to me in his characteristic wry sense of humor.
“Yeah, pretty much, dear,” I answered.
“Tell me that I didn’t fall in dog poo,” he said with a bemused expression on his face.
We had three dogs at the time, so the odds weren’t exactly on his side.
I rolled him over to check out the damage. Mud and grass were stuck to his backside, but, amazingly, no doggy business! God, in his grace, had allowed Dan to fall between two piles of stuff, but not on them. Once we realized that he had escaped the wrath of poo-dom, we burst into laughter that was a combination of praise and joyful thankfulness. Dan wasn’t hurt, and he wasn’t wearing doggy doo, either. Life just didn’t get any better than that! We couldn’t know then that we were making yet another silly memory that would sustain us as the MS took over his body and left us with less and less to laugh about.
Now that Dan is gone, I look back fondly on times like the first morning of our married life together and when he tried to do yard work. Of course it wasn’t funny that his body would behave in such unpredictable ways, but I’m glad God showed us that there were two ways to look at anything life threw at us, and choosing to laugh was the better way. We didn’t kid ourselves about what MS could do, and we lived every day with the reality that Dan would likely not get to live into old age. Still, by choosing laughter—that wonderfully silly, giggle-box kind that makes your eyes water and your cheeks ache—we opened our hearts to the joy that each and every moment could bring.♥
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May 23, 2012 at 12:23 pm | Posted by Kathleen
Dear Debora, I thank you so much for your story, I enjoyed it so much. I also married a man to many a caring persons dismay, he had ALS with only about 6 months to live. Long story short he lived for almost 5 years, the most wonderful years of my life. We also lived in the moment and saw the humor in it all. I completely understand how from the outside people may think it was rude or odd to laugh at some of the trials of the day, but as you know laughter is the best medicine. Thank you again, I am still giggling. I know that God blessed us both with wonderful men, and the joyful gift of laughter. Your story has brought so many of ours to my mind, I am so happy to remember. Gods blessings to You, Kathleen
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June 6, 2012 at 8:45 am | Posted by Deb C.
Ahhh, thanks so much, Kathleen! You made my day. Only those of us who have been there can really understand how invaluable humor is to get us through! I loved hearing from you and knowing that there is someone else who went for it. I, too, focus on the joys we had together, and I'm so glad I helped give you a giggle or two. Hugs, Deb
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July 24, 2012 at 10:18 pm | Posted by Ketul
My heart goes out to Ben and the Suprunowski Family for all that they have been through dunrig this time. But, because of you guys, and your faith in Christ, I am able to write this letter of thanks to you. Though everyday is a miracle in and of itself, I would have to say that Ben's healing was the first solid miracle I have witnessed and been apart of through prayer. I don't know Ben personally, and I am at loss for words as to how I managed to find out about Ben's accident, because I haven't heard anything about it in the news, and none of my friends know about it. However, I thank God everyday for allowing me to find this prayer blog because it has changed my life. I now long to live ALL my life for Christ, and I mean every part of my being thanks to Ben! I was raised in a Christian home my entire life, (praise the Lord), so I knew God, but I lacked the personal relationship with God. Then, about 2 years ago, I decided to take the step into dedicating my life to Christ by being baptized at my church called Solid Rock. Now, 2 years later, my walk with God has grown termendously, but I still felt like I was lacking something. As I was praying for Ben, I realized that I needed Christ to be a part of every aspect in my life. From my schooling, to my job, in my friends and hobbies Christ needed to be evident in all that I do. Through doing this, I hope to reflect Christ and His love through my actions and words Just like He is evident in the Suprunowski Family. Now, at age 20, I was able to unveil the plans that God has for me. My heart longs even more to become an emergency/trauma nurse so that I may be able to help people who are involved in serious incidents such as Ben's. My heart breaks for what Ben had to go through, but my soul rejoices for all the glory that has been given to God, and His name. Thank you so much Suprunowski Family for staying strong and relying on God through this situation. It was by faith, prayer and God's healing power that Ben is still with us today. And it was through these things that so many other lives were touched as well.Not only was Ben's life saved, but Ben also helped save my life as well! May God continue to pour out His blessings on you Ben Suprunowski, as you have been such a blessing to my life. Thanks again to the entire family for radiating the light of Christ for all to see. God Bless,Chantel Baucom
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June 15, 2012 at 6:55 pm | Posted by Jewell
Great Story Deb! I knew it would be, I remember reading lots of your stories in school and have loved them all but this was better. It was a peek into your life with Dan, Thanks for sharing. Keep up the writing!
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June 15, 2012 at 11:11 pm | Posted by Deb
Jewell, thanks so much for the encouragement, which you have always been so very generous with. I hope and pray my writing will encourage others and give them hope as they face their own difficulties.
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